Every once in a while, an opportunity comes around for a small website to break through into the big time. This could be the moment for HFO. Through a high tech breakthrough in spy satellite technology, we at HFO were able to get a listen in at the conversation between Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots, and his Super Bowl MVP Quarterback Tom Brady. Without further ado, the transcript:

Tom: Sorry coach. I should’ve looked before I threw that one…

Bill: Nevermind. Listen, on this fourth down play, I want you to…

Tom: Wait, coach. Punt the ball.

Bill: What?!?

Tom: Coach, you gotta punt the ball. There’s 2 minutes left. They have one timeout. Peyton’s thrown two intercept…

Bill: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you. Remember after the last touchdown, I said to go for four? Yeah… you talked me out of that.

Tom: Coach, it’s…

Bill: If I’d gone with my gut, we wouldn’t be in this fine mess. So you need to quit while you’re ahead, Nancyboy. Richard Seymour disagreed with me once.

Tom:   You wanted him to cover Steve Smith in the Super Bowl…

Bill: Yeah, well, maybe if he HAD… anyway, where is he now??? … Yeah… That’s right. Cassell questioned me once, too.  Shipped his ass to Jefferson City, Missouri.  You don’t watch your smart mouth, I’ll trade your ass for Brady Quinn. He’s better looking anyway.

Tom: Oh now that’s just silliness. How many covers has HE been on? Look, we gotta punt…

Bill: When was the last time you shaved your forearms? Yeah, you’re slippin’! Brady takes care of himself.  You’re resting on your laurels.  Better watch out or that pretty wife of yours will be the next  notch on Tom Cable’s bedpost.

Tom: That’s just out of line… look, we’re running out of time here…

Bill: Call another timeout.

Tom: We don’t have anymore.

Bill: When did THAT happen?

Tom: I called one before the first play of this drive.

Bill: Well what the hell’d you do that for? Anyway, we get four. I negotiated it before the game.

Tom: Coach, we don’t ge…

Bill: I’m Bill F*$*ing Belichick. We get what I say we get.

Tom:  Coach, the scoreboard says 0 timeouts.  See that “TOL” up there?

Bill: Yeah? How many Super Bowls have you won?

Tom: Uh…

Bill: That’s right. Don’t you forget it. Bring me my cell phone, dammit. I’ve got Mangini on speed dial.

Tom: He doesn’t like you anymore.

Bill: Of course he does, who do you think got him that job with the Jets? The Browns?

Tom: My point exactly.

Bill: Ooooh, a smart guy! Get your happy ass out there and throw that pigskin.

Tom: To who?

Bill: We have one of the Faulks, right? They’re pretty good.

Tom: I have Randy Moss. He’s a future Hall of Famer…. Wes Welker…

Bill: Isn’t Moss that waif thin supermodel? Who the hell is Wes Welker? Sounds like a horror novelist… probably writing some crap about a family living out in the woods…

Tom: *mumbles* You’ve got to be KIDDING me…

Bill: …next thing you know the plumber’s actually a serial killer and WHAM! Your kid’s dead and you’re burying him in the back yard only to have him come back to life and slice your achilles tendon with your own scalpel… WITH YOUR OWN SCALPEL!! Don’t talk to ME about who to throw the ball to. YOU get paid for those decisions. I don’t care if you throw it to…

Tom: Seriously coach, I gotta go out to the huddle!

Bill: Throw the damn ball to Light.

Tom: He’s not even playing, and that would be illegal most of the time anyway!

Bill: TACKLE ELIGIBLE, MORON. Don’t the Niners need a QB? Maybe we could get that Crabtree kid in here. He wouldn’t talk back to me.

Tom: Whatever, I’m running my own play.

Bill: Suit yourself, but if it doesn’t work, it’s coming down on your ass. I’m Bill F’in Belichick baby. I’m above questioning.

Tom: Yeah, we’ll see about that…

Bill: Can’t wait to shake that bible-thumping Dungy’s hand after he sees this one!