(Editor’s Note – This was written prior to the 2006 Purdue-Notre Dame Game.  It is a timeless classic that is brought out every September.  This was written by HFO Writer Kurt Braeckel and posted to the message board at GoldandBlack.com and subsequently inducted into the GBI Hall of Fame.  Since Kurt is in the middle east protecting this great country, he has given me permission to re-distribute and re-transmit…enjoy)

I hate the campus. It’s not that pretty. The roads are pavement. The buildings are brick. Last I heard the candles in the grotto were made of wax. The way they talk about it, I expected rivers of chocolate, trees made of cinnamon sticks growing candied apples picked by singing Tahitian dwarves enslaved by a tall guy with good teeth and a tall hat.

I hate the students. All 4,000 of them show up to the game in the same stupid green t-shirt that bears the photos of the Four Horsemen and says “RETURN TO THAT TIME BEFORE I WAS ALIVE WHEN WINNING EIGHT GAMES WAS CAUSE FOR MASS CONSUMPTION OF INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH DRAIN CLEANER” or some crap like that. I hate the fact that the girls yell “Go Irish!” in such an ear-piercing tones it makes me wish my ears were equipped with a high-pitch band reject filter. I hate the fact that 75% of them couldn’t name the starting five on the men’s basketball team, but they can tell you the helmet size of their true freshman backup gunner on the scout team’s punt coverage unit.

I hate their fans. I hate when they say “I’m from Bangladesh, so I like Notre Dame” or “My dog’s previous owner was Catholic, so I like Notre Dame”. I hate the fact that they haven’t won a national championship since before most of them were catheterized, yet they continue to bring it up even after you just waxed them 41-16 on their home field. I hate the fact that they cried during Rudy. There are stories occurring every day at deaf high schools around the country better than Rudy, yet we have to watch a long-winded movie about a Bangledeshi midget with the foot speed of a heavily sedated three-legged yak whose dog’s previous owner was Catholic and so he grew up wearing a Notre Dame letter jacket, talked to an old bald guy and had his dorky friends chant his name so he could get playing time against the Angry Lepers of Southwestern Nebraska School of Appendectomy Surgery and Haiku Poetry.

I hate their stadium. It’s nothing special. It seats 80,000. It didn’t wake up any echoes when I walked in. Wrigley Field gives me goose bumps. Notre Dame Stadium gives me sneezing fits. I hate the bloody leprechaun that prances the sidelines like a Penn State flag boy wearing capri pants. I want to back over him with the Special. I’d like to beat his head against the World’s Largest Drum. I hate the tailgating scene at ND. I’ve seen shorter lines for Port-A-Lets at Kid Rock concerts. I’ve seen better spreads tailgating at IU and Northwestern.

I hate NBC. I hate Sunday Night Football on NBC. I hate John Madden for being on NBC. I hate 2:30 kickoffs. Play at noon or 3:30 like everyone else. I hate the fact that my cable company doesn’t even carry NBCHD.

I hate Charlie Weis. He’s arrogant and overrated. I’m sorry, but when your team lays an egg at home against the first truly good team they play, you’re not Yoda. When Michigan State is pasting you before John L. Smith pulls a John L. Smith and hands you the game, you’re not even Jabba. Jabba had Carrie Fisher in a bikini and chains. Weis couldn’t get Rosie O’Donnell in spandex. I hate how those window-licking morons in South Bend anointed him after one good season and completely forgot the fact that Ty started out pretty hot too. I hate the fact that his profile from his forehead to his gut is a straight line. I hate the fact that he’s taller lying down than he is standing up. I hate the fact that his offensive line rolls him out of the tunnel and onto the sideline like that fat kid from Hook.

I hate Lou Holtz, the commentator, and how even though he coached at other schools afterward, he still jocks ND. I hate Lou Holtz, the coach, for going into Purdue’s locker room after pummeling us in the 80’s and telling Lani Paleli that if he wanted to come to Notre Dame, he would still take him (even though he played for Purdue). I hate Lou Holtz, the old wrinkly author and his “motivational speeches”. I hate that he seems drunker than Harry Caray (rest his soul!) at 9pm during a day-night double-header when he’s stone cold sober.

I hate all the talk about their schedule. They wouldn’t be that great in the Big 10 and they know it. They would be like Penn State: just another good team. They would struggle to play their Big 10 teams, USC and still squeeze in all the service academies and retirement center rec squads they manage to eke on to their schedule so they can be bowl-eligible every year. I hate the fact that even though their schedule is no harder than any SEC, ACC or Big 10 team plays year in year out, we have to hear about how hard it is to play Michigan, Purdue, Michigan State and USC EVERY STINKING YEAR!!!!!!!!! Never mind MOST Big 10 teams play Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Wisconsin, and Iowa week in, week out, without benefit of scheduling them as they see fit.

I really, really hate Notre Dame, but that’s just me.

POTFI.

Cue Cranberries song!

“It’s not you, it’s me”….”I think we are better friends”…..”I think we should see other people”….”I am not ready for a commitment”…..”it’s just timing”…..how often do we joke about those lines? But I have to admit….one time or another, I have used them or heard them. How often have you had a break up where you find yourself listening to sad music, throwing away pieces of memories the two of you shared, crying until you fall asleep, eating fistfulls of ice cream, or even feeling overwhelming loneliness? Maybe some even went as far as therapy, anti-depressants, moving in with family, or 20+ pounds lighter from the ole’ break up diet. Either way….break up conversations, the aftermath, and the healing process take time. I firmly believe that nobody should be judged by how quickly or how long it takes one to heal over the other.

Thank goodness for Kevin and Cindy…..their love is binding and saves them from the agony. But….they have had their share of breakups and aftermath that seems to never end. It takes a series of heartbreaks to get to the ‘right one’. Both of them will admit that. But the road is never easy to get there….but aren’t we always haunted by something left behind from previous relationships?

The demolition and hazardous waste cleanup seems easy compared to some that have to remain in contact for months, years, and even a lifetime. Some breakups are a huge sigh of relief instantly but others are devastating for months….even years. Looking back at breakups….isn’t it true that they always come to the same conclusion: we are MUCH better off without them? Nothing gives us greater pleasure than finding that our ex’s have downgraded substantially afterwards. Isn’t that like saying “I won”?

But how is it that so many breakups leave this imprint on our memories that we seem to be haunted by? Or ones that never seem to go away because there are children or finances or assets that draw them together?

Really…the true essence of break ups are that something broke that cannot be fixed. I have yet to see evidence that proves friendships after a relationship can exist. I watched my parents fake it after their divorce for the “grandchildren” but it was all short lived. I have yet to understand relationships that linger after it ends. When do you really hit the point that enough is actually….enough?

In so many relationships that I have been in or seen…there seems to be this strange lingering period. I don’t know what good it serves the person when it only causes further heartbreak. What good does an unexpected text do to share a new job or a loss of a family member? What good is an email to see how the other is doing? As hard as it is to put the past in the past….you cannot bring the relationship back from the dead through some new or unfortunate news. And of course….we all have to thank Facebook for the “silent stalking” we might overindulge in to keep our eye on the other until it’s finally time to let go….

Case and point: I watched a friend agonize for months of her recent break up. Behind the back of most of her friends and family, she slightly kept in contact with her ex and it proved to cause herself further pain and delay her true healing. Nothing is worse that seeing a strong, independent person become weak and frail and crying constantly. There is nothing you can do to get the person to snap out of it and it’s even worse to place any judgment on a friend on how they cope. I found myself supporting her by “friending” her ex-boyfriend on Facebook to update her on any new relationships he may have developed. Even worse, it was becoming a regular occurrence to do “drive by’s”. No matter what she needed me there for, it was my way to support her in any way I could. Over time it has all changed but there is still a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. Still, many thoughts crossed her mind on the day that it was the year anniversary of their break up. But all in all….she’s lost the burden of hurting from him for the most part. She is a little tainted and has some self esteem issues….but she’s making it and we all do.

For myself….I have to laugh that several years ago I broke up with a man that I know find myself thinking nothing of. Strangely, I have developed a strong friendship with his sister without ever having to mention his name. I genuinely care about her and check in from time to time. I don’t see myself sitting at their Thanksgiving table ever….but I seemingly care about their family. I feel like I got something out of the relationship that I would have never had without him. But overall, aren’t I just a victim of letting it linger?

I should start this blog by apologizing for the lack of updates lately.  Frankly,  Iwas hoping we’d hear from our resident bachelorette, Emma Rhodes, or our new Mommy Kristen, but unfortunately it didn’t happen.  I’m guessing those lovely ladies were just as busy as the Hicks Family.  Cindy and I, however, do have a good reason for the lack of updates…

During the weekend of August 14th, we relocated the Hicks Family Online compound about 5 blocks away from our old facility.  Our new facility is much larger, and able to hold our growing family and massive compilation of “stuff”.  Since we found out about our wonderful “future addition” we knew that the space in our tiny apartment couldn’t hold two adults and four kids.  We had been looking for about 5 months, but only towards the end of July did I start to panic about whether or not we’d find something within our price points that could hold all of our things and still leave some room to walk through the house.  I had been praying about it every morning during my “quiet time”, and I knew God would answer me in His own time.  It seems that everything Cindy and I have prayed about has come…in His perfect timing.  It may not have been in our timing, or as quickly as I would have hoped, but it has all worked out “perfectly” in God’s will. 

Sometime in mid-July, Cindy had looked at a cute townhome just around the corner from our apartment, and she really liked it and hit it off with the landlord.  We continued to look at other places, but always came back to this place.  I had still not seen it, but trusted my future wife about its viability for our future home.  It has a HUGE, and I mean HUGE deck on the back, suitable for beer drinking, cigar smoking, and copious amounts of relaxing.  We finally decided to fill out the application, give it to the landlord, and pray on it.  Two days later, they got back to us with good news.  This was roughly August 1st, and we had about two weeks to get packed, and moved.  It made it easier that Cindy stays home during the day, was able to put the kids to good use, and keep our “lil’ Hickslette” safe.  Although I’m sure she did and carried some things that I would not have approved of, I know Avery is about as cautious as I am about how much Cindy does when I’m not around.   

As a small backstory, the apartment we were moving out of was the apartment I moved into in the fall of 2007 when my marriage failed.  The plan in September of 2007 was to live there about six months to get my feet back under me, and then find a house suitable for me, Avery, and Carson  As they say, if you want to make God laugh, tell him what your plan is.  The bottom dropped out of the econony in 2008, and everything I had planned was now down the drain.  I was living in a small two bedroom apartment, scared to death, and didn’t know where my life was going to go.  I made some bad choices, I did some things I’m not very proud of, and for the most part suffered through the darkest days of my life.  As much as I hated that place, it will always hold a special place in my heart for being there for me when I needed it most.  I had suffered through the most confusing time in my life in that little place, probably drank too much beer, cried myself to sleep a few times, said some dumb things, did even dumber things, and tried to muddle through every day without doing something that would permanently damage myself or someone else. 

My favorite quote of all time is something to the effect of…”When you’ve come to the edge of all that you know, and you’re about to step into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen…you’ll either be given something solid to stand on, or you’ll be taught to fly”  In my case, I got to do both.  During the summer of 2009, Cindy Carter taught me to fly.  During the course of our six months of long distance courtship, I had to learn to live without her while still having her in my life to talk to about what was on my mind.  She is one of the only women I know that “gets me”, and allows me to be me.  She got me through the economic downtown of 2009, and believed in me when I couldn’t look in the mirror without shaking my head.  Obviously, if you’ve followed HFO for the past few months, I don’t have to go into “our story”, but I’ll just tell you that without her, I’m not sure where I’d be right now.  Although she did teach me to fly and got me through the tough part of my “work life”, as you know, what goes up must come down.  Luckily, in early 2010, Jesus Christ gave me something solid to stand on. 

I’m sure at this point you’re thinking “why he is rambling on?  Get to the point!!”  I guess what I’m trying to say is moving out of our little apartment was a big deal in my life.  A new page being turned in what was becoming a great story book. I had prayed so much on the subject of moving on in my life, and next steps, and was I doing what God would have me do?  Was I on the right path?  I got my answer…boy did I get my answer. 

To preface this, I have to tell you a quick story.  On Sunday August 1st, during the course of packing and such, we went to church.  We were both exhausted, but always feel better about our week ahead when we stop and to praise Him.  Pastor Keith led the sermon that day, which always makes me happy.  I have always related well to him because he’s about my age, has kids, and talks about things during his sermon that hit home with me almost every time.  I thought that day’s sermon was no different.  (I doubt Pastor Keith reads HFO, but if he does, I’ll do the best I can to tell the story) Feel free to watch it —>HERE<—, but I’ll tell you briefly… it was about people who never grow in their spirituality because they don’t trust in God and the path He has laid out for all of us.  He spoke about the VNC Men’s Trip to Utah every October.  Basically 10 men go to the Piria Canyon in Utah and hike for six days with a Pastor from VNC.  Pastor Keith went on the trip in October of 2009.  He spoke about how the tour guide was basically their saving grace and knew exactly where to go during the course of the trip. 

On the last day of the trip, each man was to sit with Pastor Keith alone and pray.  After their prayer, the man was supposed to walk away along a certain path.  This certain path wasn’t designated by a trail or road, but merely by an intermittent pile of rocks.  You knew you were headed the right direction if you came up to a pile of rocks.  Pastor Keith didn’t say how far apart the pile of rocks were, but he did mention he got off course a few times, but found his way back by the pile of rocks.  The next man wasn’t allowed to leave Pastor Keith until the next man was “out of sight”…and this was just your time with God.  Pastor Keith was the last to go after he had prayed with every man, and he said it was pretty scary to be out there and have no idea where he was or where he was going, but managed to find his way to the other men, only by following the pile of rocks.  It was a neat story, and made the whole sermon come together nicely.  Little did I know, that sermon was going to come in handy five days later. 

August 5th was Cindy’s 34th birthday.  I had taken the day off to celebrate with the whole family.  I had gotten up early knowing we didn’t have enough breakfast food.  I threw on a hat, grabbed the keys and walked down the drive way.  As I got to the end of the drive way, I was stopped dead in my tracks by the site before me.  I shook my head a few times, looked around, and tried not to cry.  At the end of my driveway, impossible to miss, was a pile of rocks.  As God is my witness, there on my way to the car at 7AM on a Thursday morning, was a pile of rocks. 

One week earlier, heck one week LATER, and I probably would have walked right past it without noticing.  The pile of rocks was literally the week after Pastor Keith’s message.  Cindy and I both believe that there is no other reason for this “burning bush”.  During the course of our packing, moving, uncertainty, and life change, I’m feeling scared, uncertain, concerned, hopeful, thankful, happy, nervous, but mostly just questioning my decision.  Am I doing the right thing?  One of the main things I pray about is “doing what He wants me to do”.  “Am I doing the right thing God?”  I constantly ask to “show me the way”.  Life is marked by many paths, and I do my best to stay on the “narrow path”, but this was one of the only times I was able to self evaluate and decide I was on the right road.  It was an amazing moment.

To make a long story short, thanks to a bunch of friends, we’re all moved in, and trying to get things situated.  Its been quite a ride.  As I always say when talking about me and Cindy….stay tuned…

Today is my parents 40th Anniversary, and I thought I would take them on a wild ride of memories.  I know how tough it is to make a marriage work for a few years, but 40 years is amazing, and we’re all very excited for you.  Cindy and I only cried like 3 times trying to make this, and that alone is a victory.

Congrats!  We love you.

Time changes everything.  It was only a little over a year ago that I can remember chatting with Ms B and Ms S in the office about which Sex And The City character we were most like. You see, our little foursome had grown quite close during the long days at Ft Knox, and we each bore a slight resemblance to the archetypal characters in the female gal pal classic.  I have to say I was hard pressed to choose between Carrie and Samantha.

 I certainly wasn’t as sexually liberated as Samantha, but before Kevin my dating philosophy was “take no prisoners”. I wasn’t quite the romantic that Carrie is, but I did see myself as the “token single girl” with a flare for fashion.  Either way, we were all certain I would never be a “Charlotte” or a “Miranda”.

 I went to see the SATC 2 movie with a girlfriend this spring and to my shock I’ve turned into Magda! Yep, that’s right, I suddenly have more in common with Miranda’s old haggard nanny than I do with any of the leading ladies. I still have trouble grasping how I landed here. When I think about it, a few things stick out in my mind.

 For example, not only do I know that Kevin doesn’t match the socks in his sock drawer, but it drives me so crazy that I secretly match the socks when he isn’t home. I also know which Valpo grocery store has the best meat selection and the lowest price on milk. I consider meatloaf that everyone eats without complaint a triumph. Ugh!

 Just the other day, I couldn’t remember the last time I put on shoes with any kind of heel, much less one over an inch! Honestly, I have to think hard to remember the last day I wasn’t in flip-flops.  When I looked in the rear view mirror Friday afternoon on the way to Redbox, my first thought was, “I can’t believe Kevin wasn’t scared to death when he got home today and saw me like this”. I didn’t feel so bad when I had the gym as an excuse to run around town with out make-up, but now it‘s obvious that isn‘t the reason. Thank goodness Stacy and Clinton didn’t see me or I would’ve had to face the 360 mirror.

 I guess what this all means is that somewhere in the last year I turned into a real mom. Now, I pack school lunches instead of suitcases for business trips. I care more about spending time with kids than spending an hour getting ready to go somewhere. Most importantly, I know that Kevin loves me when I wake up in the morning just as much as he does when I dressed for a night on the town. Life is an evolution and I’ve learned to embrace a side of myself that scared the crap out me for years.

 Maybe the reason we love Sex And The City so much is because inside we are all a little bit Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, and even Magda.

Although she may have been ridiculously accurate on one of those, I never considered myself fat. In 2004, I had been married for about five years, life was pretty much just passing me by, and yes..I wasn’t exactly “in shape”. When I was younger, I had always struggled to gain weight. As I got older (into my mid 20’s) I did start to gain weight, but it was all in my mid section and face. My arms and legs have always been string beans. In this video, I was probably 6 foot 3 and 205 pounds…but most of that weight was again, in my mid section, or what I like to call the “Miller Lite Party Deck”.

Cut to 2009, I had been divorced for almost two years, struggling through the worst economic downtown since our grandparents were born, and struggling the keep it all together. I had probably dropped down to 165 at my worst. Everyone I ran into, first thing they said…”you’ve lost alot of weight”, although this was mostly in my face (I try not to make it a habit of walking around shirtless) My mom was making comments to me about “eating” and I found myself coming home from “Mom Visits” with containers of food. At one point she sent me home with several packages of frozen pancakes. Thanks Mom. Although this didn’t help much as my weight hung steady in the 165-170 range. I consumed more Miller Lite Party Deck beverages during 2007-2009 than I did the previous decade combined, but still managed to keep my weight steady.

mmm....wings...

Somehow, I managed to go from a size 36 waist to a 32 waist without really doing much but constantly stressing myself out with “life”.  I pretty much couldn’t wear my suits anymore to work, had to buy a completely new work wardrobe (thanks honey) and for the most part, I was happy that my gut wasn’t so big.  (that’s not my gut in the picture, my hands are bigger than that).  I continued to maintain that weight well into 2009, and never fluctuated more than 5 pounds either way. 

When Cindy lost her job in September of 2009, she moved up here, and I ATE….boy did I eat.  Especially during the winter, because that woman can COOK!  Smothered Pork Chops, Beef Stew, Mashed Potatoes, huge trays of Lasagna, baked cheeseburgers, chili cheese fries, wings, and a healthy supply of Beer!  I love this woman.  BUT, I didn’t gain any weight.  In fact, I think it became Cindy’s primary goal in life to try and make me gain weight.  I wouldn’t say I was unhealthy skinny, but it was definitely a concern that I wasn’t gaining weight while literally gorging myself on the above mentioned goodies. 

In late January of 2010, we found out that we were going to be blessed with a beautiful baby.  This also coincided with about the time that I gave my life up to Christ.  The constant stress and worry that was always on my shoulders was now gone, and I could just live my life.  As the months passed by, I could feel my pants getting tighter, the overall gross feeling after eating something heavy, and the often uncomfortable statement by Cindy of…”You’re getting a gut honey”…..thanks babe.   Although I’m guessing that my new found Faith had something to do with future weight gain, I decided to investigate the phenomenon known at sympathy weight.  Sympathy weight could be defined as weight gained by husbands during a pregnancy to offset the noticeable and uncomfortable weight gain experienced by expectant mommys. 

This is for you Cindy...

 What I found was scientific proof that “Sympathy Weight” was a known issue, and actually had a name.  I found a story on BBC that said “Researchers at St George’s University, London, who carried out the study of 282 Dads-to-be said the phenomenon was known as “Couvade syndrome”.  The article also mentioned other symptoms…”Expectant fathers reported a range of symptoms, including cramps, back pain, mood swings, food cravings, morning sickness, fatigue, depression, fainting, insomnia and toothache.”

Although I haven’t had any morning sickness, unless you include sick of getting out of bed at 6AM as “morning sickness”, but I would say the rest of those symptoms have happened to me.  Although, I’m pretty sure the toothache is from too many peanut M&Ms. 

If this wasn’t enough proof for me, I then found an article on Parenting Weekly about a study done on pregnant primates, and their “spouses” weight gain during the course of the pregnancy.  This article fascinated me, not only because of the actual study, but I could probably most associate myself with Primates…seriously folks, just look at the picture to the left…he could be my brother, and I wouldn’t even know it.  Hairy face, spikey greying hair, and pandering for the camera…he’s gotta be a Hicks..I wonder if he is a good writer?  Anyway…here is what the article said, “Researchers at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, observed that two types of primates, the common marmoset (Callithrix jacchus) and cotton-top tamarin (Saguinus oedipus) – both known for their monogamous partnerships and good parenting – gained roughly 10 percent more weight when their mates were pregnant. And scientists believe they’re not alone; it is estimated that males in most monogamous primate species – including gibbons, some lemur species, and humans – experience such sympathy symptoms.

During the study, researchers weighed 29 male marmosets and 29 male cotton-top tamarins monthly. Of these, 9 marmosets and 11 tamarins had pregnant mates. The scientists found that the males increased their total weight by approximately 10 percent gradually over the course of their mate’s pregnancy (five months for marmosets and about six months for tamarins). The researchers also determined that the added weight was not because the males copied their mates’ eating habits.”

So I started thinking about it.  I was probably 170 pounds when we found out about our little bundle of joy.  10% of 170 is seventeen pounds which would roughly put me at 187 or 190 pounds.  I’ll be damned if I’m not almost exactly that number.  I’m sold!  I believe in sympathy weight.  Furthermore, the monkey article says “”These pregnancy symptoms were previously thought to be psychosomatic, but scientists now believe that these changes may actually help the male primates to prepare for fatherhood and deal with the added stress once the baby is born. “Males do most of the carrying of infants – usually two – once they are born,” said Zigler, adding, “The males invest highly in infant care, even losing weight while carrying these heavy, multiple infants through the trees.”

So, in an effort to lose this weight in October after the baby comes, I’ll be strapping her to my back and climbing trees throughout Valparaiso.  It has to work….right?

So….as we all get to see a glimpse of Kevin and Cindy’s path to matrimony…it got me thinking about the jealousy that ensues of their upcoming honeymoon. I imagine Fiji, Mexico, Australia, Paris….do I dare say…the Indiana Dunes??? I have never heard of a single person ever complain of the honeymoon unless it included hurricane force winds or rain….but still, isn’t that more reason to stay in the room? Cue the “bow chica wow wow” music please…
 
Again….these lovebirds got me thinking about honeymoons….but not every honeymoon consists of palm trees, the eiffel tower, and sand dunes….what about the beginning of a relationship? Nothing compares to the first few months. As a woman…I see it as the most exciting and best time of a relationship and I find myself chasing those moments when I am in a relationship…or looking forward to those moments when I am single. If I can line up guys and just experience those months, it would make all relationships worth it. No heartbreak, no complications….but I guess that only means that I haven’t been with the “right” one if that fails to exist after 3 months. Even though some men deny it will ever go away, I currently see the exception of this occurs with my inspirational happy couple. And no…it’s not Brangelina.
 
But I think everyone can agree that the first couple months consist of the excitement of learning new things, the “firsts”, the butterflies, meeting new friends and family, sharing hobbies and interests, thinking about them constantly, wanting to be with them relentlessly, flowers, the adoring deliveries to work, impressing each other, making out like you’re in high school, the lack of bodily functions, sleepovers, going out of your way to see the other person, the showering of feelings and of course….let’s not the forget the frequency of ’doing our taxes’.
 
Now this leads me to a story of my own experience. What happens when the honeymoon phase is only a precursor to the exploding volcano followed by consistent tremors?? What if those first three months are the ONLY good three months? Never a good sign….then the fighting starts, the lack of communication, the lies, and the total lack of acknowledging the committment involved in a relationship. How is it that you stay with the person hoping those issues go away instead of manifest into the reasons you dread seeing your friends and family because the sadness is written all of your face? Yet, you can’t give up and you can’t walk away. Why isn’t there a doctor that can eliminate THIS portion of our bodies instead of wrinkles and liposuction?? Sign me up for more insight/backbone/confidence please!

We will call him “Mr. Wrong”: It never fails that before long….you find yourself crying more than you do laughing. Or you stare awake at the ceiling in your living room knowing that the fail of the day is that you couldn’t stand to share the same bed. How is that all of a sudden you find yourself sitting in a restaurant alone because you couldn’t sit through a meal together without the other one leaving? Far deep into a relationship…I know that the biggest red flag fell on the night I was going to meet Mr. Wrong out after I was having dinner with a girlfriend. I knew he was going out with “friends” but it wasn’t til I showed up at the bar that those friends were both girls. One of which was a very scantily dressed that could hardly keep her “girls” in place. Never something I had a problem with that until I fully understood the gravity of the situation I was about to enter. Not only was it a wonderfully monotonous cycle of seeing him f.u.b.a.r.-ed every weekend, but it was completely obvious and unfortunate that I was not welcomed. How is that you get to a point that you find yourself in a relationship where you are the odd one out? I fully understood that when I went to the bathroom as the tabs were being closed only to find all of them….yes, all. of. them….were gone. It was until an hour after I got home that he finally showed up completely unaware that he forgot a little more than to sign his credit card receipt…it was an intoxicating experience.
 
Now I have heard the opposition that there are some ‘rare’ men out there who claim they will always be attentive, caring, showering with gifts, planning surprises, arranging movers to ease the pain of their pregnant soul mates…..but the only thing I can take from all of this….is if that moment ever exists where you are left behind in the thoughts of a man, it’s time to move on.
 
Thank you, Kevin for keeping Cindy “top of mind” today and everyday….

I can’t believe its been over five years since I made this video.  Cindy makes fun of me about this relentlessly, but I was pretty proud of this video.  Not alot of people can make these effects easily.  Hopefully it will give people an idea of what I’m really capable of once we get HFO truly up and running.  Anyway, enjoy….

It was brought to my attention last week that somethings on HFO might be a little confusing to the casual, new reader.  In hopes of enlightening the masses, I’ve created this post to serve as our FAQ.  This post will remain tacked at the top of HFO for new readers to check out first and therefore enabling our first time visitors a better viewing experience.  If you have anything to add, please feel free to comment.

First of all, welcome to Hicks Family Online.  I hope the below material will better help you navigate our little corner of the world. 

• First and foremost, Hicks Family Online isn’t just a place for nefarious, nonsensical ideas from Kevin Hicks, I actually have an entire cast of characters on this venture.   Although your main source of material will come from Kevin Hicks and First Lady of HFO, Cindy Carter, you also have an entire cast of writers.  Kristen, Kurt, Bill, Dave, and Emma will all be bringing you copious amounts of ridiculously delicious bites of input.  On top of that, you will also be seeing videos of HFO’s next generation; Avery, Carson, Xavier, and our little girl to be named later.  To determine who you hearing from, you merely need to look at the top of a post next to the date and below the title.  The name of the author will be prominently displayed.  This should keep our readers from asking “Why is Kevin blogging about being a mom?”  I wasn’t, it was Cindy.  If you would like to read the biography for each of our writers and staff, please look to the right of the screen under “PAGES”.  The Cast will give you bios for our main family unit, and The Writing Staff is…the…uh…Writing Staff.  I really got creative on that one. 
• I know some readers say to me <whining>But Kevin, I feel like I have to come to HFO every day to see if you posted new material</whining>  Well, that has been solved as well.  If you look to the right of the screen, you will see an area where you can subscribe to HFO’s mailing list.  I promise you this is safe, and you will only get posts from HFO when there is a new blog, video, or audio blog.  If you subscribe, I don’t have any gifts like a hamburger phone or HFO wristwatch, but it’s free, and will only cost you the 10 seconds it takes to type in your email address.  
• HFO is a full participation website, and I strongly encourage everyone to get involved in the discussions.  Although we try not to get into to many forbidden dicusssions, we do enjoy hearing from our loyal readers.  Even if it’s just to comment and say “this blog sucks” or “Righteous thoughts dude!!”…whatever.  If you would care to join in to our discussions, there is a comment button at the top of every blog.  It is right next to the author name mentioned above and the date.  Click on that link and it will take you to a screen that I think scares the common surfer.   Please do not be afraid, it is merely a way to make sure you aren’t a droid, robot, or terminator sent back through time to ask me if I need to enlarge my penis.  I’m 34, does it really matter now?   Anyway, there are several ways to login.  You can click on any of the web based services (yahoo, facebook, google, twitter) and merely login using those already established accounts.  It won’t effect your account, it merely establishes you as a human with good intentions (we hope).  If you would like to actually own an account at HFO, you can click the register button on the right side of our main page under the “META” heading. 

I think that’s the main things to help you muddle your way through our media conglomerate. If you have any other questions, you can always comment on something and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. 

Enjoy!

This is right about the time I expect to throw off my most loyal readers.  Perhaps someone will come to HFO today and expect my latest verbal abuse of the most recent Jack Ass of the Week, only to find out we kindly retired our weekly feature this year.  Call it “Growing up”, but please don’t call it maturity because I don’t consider myself mature, nor do I take myself very seriously, as you’ll find out with the return of “Kevin’s Diary” in a few weeks.  However, I can tell you that I couldn’t have gotten through the past three years of my life without the help of a few great friends, and most importantly accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.  I’ve found that there is only one “person” in the world that I can trust with everything, one person that won’t change on me, and one person I can say will always take care of my needs, even when I don’t know what I need.  In the coming months I will blog about the significance of the bible passage on the right side of HFO (Psalm 118:6), but right now I just wanted to talk about today’s devotional that I received through email. 

I started receiving these about 5 months ago, and I get them every morning.  They usually center around a central theme, reference a bible verse around that theme, and talk about how to incorporate that into every day life.  I’ll admit that sometimes they don’t resonate with anything currently happening in my life, but a couple times a week they will strike a chord with me and make me think about where I’ve been and what I want to do with my life.  I get them from In Touch Ministries, you can sign up for the same email at http://www.intouch.org/

Today’s central theme was forgiveness.  True forgiveness, which could probably be called forgiveness of the heart, or as I like to call it, no strings attached forgiveness. This has come in handy in my life the past few years as I’ve had to forgive and attempt to forget.  I can’t say it has always been easy, but the closer I get to this forgiveness the better I feel.  When you get to a point where you truly forgive someone, I would venture to guess that there is more weight lifted off your own shoulders than the “forgivee”.  There is a certain amount of anger, hatred, and emotional distress to not forgiving someone that always takesaway from your every day life.  In most occasions, the part of you taken away should be given to someone else; a spouse, parent, friend, or child.  When you carry around that hatred, you’re missing out on the happiness that you could share with others.  I don’t say that in a sense that I’ve got it all figured out, this is MUCH easier said that done, but I’ve experienced the relief of knowing that you’ve forgiven someone, and I know that I can truly move on.  I found that forgiveness in Jesus Christ, and only in Jesus Christ.  Anyway, I thought this passage today might help someone.  If it helps even one person, I’ll consider this blog successful. 

The Verse: Ephesians 4:31-32  “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

The Message:  Ephesians 4:22-24 describes two different “bents” that are found within every believer: the patterns of the corrupted old self–also known as “the flesh”–and the righteousness of a new nature in Christ. The characteristics of these opposing inclinations are vividly portrayed by today’s verses. The quality of forgiveness, or the lack of it, will largely determine which tendency predominates in our lives.

The inevitable result of an unforgiving spirit is anger, bitterness, and malice. By refusing to forgive, we allow the old sinful nature to dominate and produce its poisonous fruit. Every area of our life is affected when we refuse to extend to others the pardon which Christ so generously extended to us–in essence, we are treating those around us as we would never want the Lord to treat us. His mercy toward us has no limit.

Although the pain and injustice of an offense can break our heart or damage our sense of self-worth, a refusal to forgive denies God the opportunity to redeem the hurt. We want Him to change the offender and make him sorry for what he has done, but the Lord wants to transform us. A forgiving spirit frees us to live in our new Christ-like nature and enables us to see others though eyes of grace and mercy.

Look again at verses 31 and 32. Which one’s characteristics describe you? As believers, we all long to exhibit the qualities of our new nature, but the Lord can produce them only if we are willing to exchange offenses and grudges for tender hearts that forgive. Something has to change–let it be you.