I can’t believe its been over five years since I made this video. Cindy makes fun of me about this relentlessly, but I was pretty proud of this video. Not alot of people can make these effects easily. Hopefully it will give people an idea of what I’m really capable of once we get HFO truly up and running. Anyway, enjoy….
It was brought to my attention last week that somethings on HFO might be a little confusing to the casual, new reader. In hopes of enlightening the masses, I’ve created this post to serve as our FAQ. This post will remain tacked at the top of HFO for new readers to check out first and therefore enabling our first time visitors a better viewing experience. If you have anything to add, please feel free to comment.
First of all, welcome to Hicks Family Online. I hope the below material will better help you navigate our little corner of the world.
I think that’s the main things to help you muddle your way through our media conglomerate. If you have any other questions, you can always comment on something and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
Enjoy!
This is right about the time I expect to throw off my most loyal readers. Perhaps someone will come to HFO today and expect my latest verbal abuse of the most recent Jack Ass of the Week, only to find out we kindly retired our weekly feature this year. Call it “Growing up”, but please don’t call it maturity because I don’t consider myself mature, nor do I take myself very seriously, as you’ll find out with the return of “Kevin’s Diary” in a few weeks. However, I can tell you that I couldn’t have gotten through the past three years of my life without the help of a few great friends, and most importantly accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I’ve found that there is only one “person” in the world that I can trust with everything, one person that won’t change on me, and one person I can say will always take care of my needs, even when I don’t know what I need. In the coming months I will blog about the significance of the bible passage on the right side of HFO (Psalm 118:6), but right now I just wanted to talk about today’s devotional that I received through email.
I started receiving these about 5 months ago, and I get them every morning. They usually center around a central theme, reference a bible verse around that theme, and talk about how to incorporate that into every day life. I’ll admit that sometimes they don’t resonate with anything currently happening in my life, but a couple times a week they will strike a chord with me and make me think about where I’ve been and what I want to do with my life. I get them from In Touch Ministries, you can sign up for the same email at http://www.intouch.org/
Today’s central theme was forgiveness. True forgiveness, which could probably be called forgiveness of the heart, or as I like to call it, no strings attached forgiveness. This has come in handy in my life the past few years as I’ve had to forgive and attempt to forget. I can’t say it has always been easy, but the closer I get to this forgiveness the better I feel. When you get to a point where you truly forgive someone, I would venture to guess that there is more weight lifted off your own shoulders than the “forgivee”. There is a certain amount of anger, hatred, and emotional distress to not forgiving someone that always takesaway from your every day life. In most occasions, the part of you taken away should be given to someone else; a spouse, parent, friend, or child. When you carry around that hatred, you’re missing out on the happiness that you could share with others. I don’t say that in a sense that I’ve got it all figured out, this is MUCH easier said that done, but I’ve experienced the relief of knowing that you’ve forgiven someone, and I know that I can truly move on. I found that forgiveness in Jesus Christ, and only in Jesus Christ. Anyway, I thought this passage today might help someone. If it helps even one person, I’ll consider this blog successful.
The Verse: Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
The Message: Ephesians 4:22-24 describes two different “bents” that are found within every believer: the patterns of the corrupted old self–also known as “the flesh”–and the righteousness of a new nature in Christ. The characteristics of these opposing inclinations are vividly portrayed by today’s verses. The quality of forgiveness, or the lack of it, will largely determine which tendency predominates in our lives.
The inevitable result of an unforgiving spirit is anger, bitterness, and malice. By refusing to forgive, we allow the old sinful nature to dominate and produce its poisonous fruit. Every area of our life is affected when we refuse to extend to others the pardon which Christ so generously extended to us–in essence, we are treating those around us as we would never want the Lord to treat us. His mercy toward us has no limit.
Although the pain and injustice of an offense can break our heart or damage our sense of self-worth, a refusal to forgive denies God the opportunity to redeem the hurt. We want Him to change the offender and make him sorry for what he has done, but the Lord wants to transform us. A forgiving spirit frees us to live in our new Christ-like nature and enables us to see others though eyes of grace and mercy.
Look again at verses 31 and 32. Which one’s characteristics describe you? As believers, we all long to exhibit the qualities of our new nature, but the Lord can produce them only if we are willing to exchange offenses and grudges for tender hearts that forgive. Something has to change–let it be you.
Being hired recently on the blog is truly an honor…but as most of you have seen from the love Cindy and Kevin share, they are my true inspiration for what I want and deserve in my life. I mean, what can make a person feel more single that reading about two gag-me, head-over-heels-in-love people like them?
In short….I felt it was necessary to share my part in what they will now miss for the rest of their “happily ever after” by no longer needing to play in the “dating game” that I find myself STILL in. Although the desperation in my profile picture paints one picture…I must divulge that I am not the my-clock-is-ticking or this-wasn’t-on-my-life-plan-I-made-at-age-11-type nor am I in the Alanis Morissette-men-hating-why-me rampage either. I am a woman wanting what Cindy and Kevin have. But we all must endure the woes of dating…
First off, I think it is important to share a story of my own dating experience of the recent years. Now we all have the rebounds, the dead weights, the liars, the cheaters, the creepers, and of course…the completely incompatible ones that we find ourselves with looooong past the expiration date…but what about the “how did I get in this situation” ones?
How do I express my distaste for the guy who slept in my parking lot for three hours after unsuccessfully trying to BREAK IN MY SLIDING GLASS DOOR? Or the one who DISAGREED with me ending things after a short one month relationship and continued to call back repetitively to talk me back into it? Or the one who introduced me to his group of friends by the incorrect name and still expected to “snuggle” with me? And my personal favorite….how about the guy who gave me a lightbulb as a first date gift meaning “you turn me on”?
So the “situation” is this: we all have our dating expectations. From time to time, those expectations may turn into desperation, but as I get older I realize that path has led me to decipher highly inappropriate behavior for a first date. And what better way to display inappropriate behavior than leading to a story of a past date….
Why I don’t meet men at bars: The initial conversation was your meaningless bar flirtation that led to a Friday night date where I found myself waiting for the man to show. What seemed like a perfectly decent divorcee…turned out to be a nightmare. From showing up at my door, I knew this was an EPIC fail. I am funny and fairly easy to talk to but I am pretty sure none of my introductions should start with “delicious”. I am not food. We venture to a restaurant where he felt it was normal to sit at the bar and eat, all while pounding vodka tonics and checking his phone relentlessly. Dinner turned into a pub crawl. I think we made it to 4 bars, all of which he proceeded to pound drinks and act more inappropriately. With that being said….guess who dropped me off and couldn’t drive home. Needless to say, that pile slept on the couch with expectations to leave VERY early and I slept with my door locked. Did I forget to mention the part where he tried several times to unlock the door? Or that he was 36? What I would give for him to be reading this….hey buddy, give me your ex-wife’s number….I’d like to apologize to her for being married to you. I only had to endure one night.
Again, congrats to Kevin and Cindy who were able to make a successful union but some of us know that they were not immune to the woes of dating….boy, are you missing out.
Valparaiso, IN – Hicks Family Online is proud to introduce its newest author/writer/contributor. Emma Rhodes comes to us from Chicago, IL where she is a free lance writer, wine enthusiast, and professional antagonist. Although Emma’s main focus will be writing about life as a 20/30 something single white female, you can be sure she will cover any and all topics that might cross her mind.
When asked for comment, HFO President Kevin Hicks said “We’re very, very thrilled to have Emma Rhodes on our staff. I have been reading her material for a few years now, and just recently had the chance to talk to her about our little corner of the world wide web”, he added “I believe she will be bringing a different aspect to HFO that we’re lacking right now. Although we can cover subjects involving kids, family, and sports, we are missing that target demographic of ’single in the city’, and I believe Emma will fit into that role with ease”
Reports from the HFO compound indicate that Emma’s first submission is already on the presses and scheduled for release Friday.
Welcome to the Family Emma!
For those of you who missed the weekend gushing, via Facebook, Kevin proposed on Saturday. A few tears later, I said yes. We thought it would be a fun to do a little “He Said, She Said” color commentary of the events leading up to him popping the big question. It was a heck of a surprise for me, so you will get a great deal more build up from him. I’m going to fill you in on my complete oblivion, my feelings, and a few hints about what’s to come with the wedding.
First, I need to explain that for those of you who are keeping track, this is the third engagement for me. That’s right, two other bachelors left in the dust at the alter. No weddings, just lots of planning and money spent. This will explain Kevin’s fear if you who weren’t aware of the circumstance. This leaves me just shy of Julia Roberts’ five weddings in Runaway Bride. I guess I found my prince a bit faster than she did. I always did know what my favorite eggs were.
Third time is definitely a charm and it is safe to go ahead and plan on this one happening. If you are smart, you’re asking “what exactly is so different this time?” I’m pretty sure nine years of growing up, since the last one, have helped. The other big difference is Kevin. This time I couldn’t wait to shout it from the roof tops. The last two, I felt more like it was a dirty little secret. I would be happy spending the rest of my life with Kevin married or not. I can tell you with 100% certainty; he is the man who will be sitting in the rocking chair beside me in 2050. I can’t wait to be his wife and I didn’t feel like that with my previous engagements.
Now to get on with the proposal…this event had apparently been about 3 weeks in the making. I can’t believe the cast of characters who were involved and that none of them let anything slip. Kevin’s first partner in crime was apparently Avery, quickly followed by Janet. When I thought they were out shopping for softball bats, they were really picking out engagement rings.
In the weeks that followed, Kevin had our friend Claire poised to pick up and transport the ring. After Carson’s baseball game on Saturday July 10th, he sent me into Dairy Queen to wait with the former Mrs. Hicks and the kids while he was paying for the ring (he told me he was paying his cell phone bill). He talked to my entire family and let them know what was going on. He also checked in with a couple of my best friends to get the green light. He emailed our closest friends to fill them in, and drove to who knows where to meet Janet to pick up the ring while I thought he was working late.
The word engaged has also popped up more and more in passing. We went to the Brad Paisley concert on Friday night, and I had a moment of terror as Brad walked through the crowd. I thought to myself, “If Brad Paisley says my name I’m going to kill Kevin”. Then Brad got to the line in our song about “I remember taking you back to the place where I first met you. There were people around, I didn’t care, I got down on one knee right there…” Then I thought…, “If he pulls me on to the piano bar stage at the Neon Cactus, I’ll kill him” Or….”Oh no, what if he takes me back to the auditorium at Jeff!”
Those thoughts passed with the end of the song. The next day was an awesome day at Arlington. I love betting on horse and being at the races. I won money and had a great time with our friends Christine and Matt. I was looking forward to a quiet evening in Chicago. I consider that “our” town. There are so many great memories there for us and we passed by many of our relationship landmarks on the way to Navy Pier.
When Kevin asked me to sit down on a bench on the quiet side of the Pier, it was a happy, easy moment. Then he told me he “needed to talk to me about something“. If men think this strikes fear in their hearts, they have NO CLUE what it does to a women. My heart sank and I was convinced I had upset him. He never looks this serious when it is something good. Then I saw a blue velvet bag and quickly followed with tears and “What did you do?” He asked, I cried, and cried, and said yes, and cried some more.
The rest of the evening is a little bit of a blur. I know I called my sister; she made Kevin promise I would call her first. I cried a lot more. We floated to dinner at a restaurant on the Pier. I told Kevin before we ever went on a date that we would either be “a supernova or a horrible black hole”. After dinner, there were amazing fireworks. I’m pretty sure that is a literal sign to the world that this is, was, and always will be a SUPERNOVA.
Finally, a few of you have asked about wedding plans. Here is what we can tell you for now. We are looking at late May, early June. There will be travel involved. Ideally, there were be plenty of sand and salt water. The wedding itself will probably be pretty small and intimate. We will probably have a larger celebration after we get home so we can share it with everyone. That’s all we really have to offer, but stay posted to HFO for more details to come. Thank you to everyone for all the well wishes and support. We love you all.
When I sat down to write this blog, I was reminded of my first blog about how Cindy and I first got together. Through 11 years of middle school, high school, and college, Cindy and I were never more than casual acquintances, and now we’re going to get married and have our own baby. When I first wrote that post, I mentioned that it was one part of a three part series, not really knowing what parts two and three would be. You can find that post here, and consider this blog, part two.
The date was April 26th, 2009. It was late evening, and I was driving home from Muncie, IN, where I had just watched my good friend Curtis Painter get drafted by the my favorite team, The Indianapolis Colts. The Painter house was filled with friends and family, and erupted in celebration when Curtis’ phone rang, and minutes later his name popped up on the screen. We all celebrated, cried, hugged, and attempted to maintain the same assemblance of calm that Curtis always shows in almost every situation. After an hour of celebrating, I knew we had a three hour drive home, school and work in the morning, and the kids needed to get to their mom’s house.
You would think this would be reason enough to FLOAT home on fluffy, white clouds, but the selection of my favorite Boilermaker was a distant second place to the real reason I had wings that day. —>Place RedBull Joke Here<—
For those paying attention, one might realize that the date mentioned above was a mere 9 days after the first night that Cindy and I had gone out together with friends. We had spent the entire following week talking on the phone, looking over calendars, and trying to find a way to see each other again. We both admitted that we didn’t know “what this was”, but it was worth finding out. On Saturday morning, the 25th, Avery and Carson both had a soccer game, and then we were scheduled to drive to Indianapolis, IN to stay with my friend Doug, and his wife Jana. The kids hadn’t seen Doug and Jana in a while, and we were all excited to get some quality time together. Cindy on the other hand was in beautiful Athens, OH for work. She had taken Xavier with her, and expected to stay there Saturday night.
Cindy called me that Saturday morning and said her conference was ending early, and perhaps we could meet up in Indianapolis. I called Doug, we discussed the options and figured it would be a great opportunity for the kids to meet Cindy, Xavier to meet me and the kids, Doug and Jana to meet Cindy, etc…all the while under a guise of “she’s just a friend”. It seemed very low key for all of us to come together and see what kind of energy we could create with the five of us all together. Was it risky? Sure. Was it dumb? Perhaps. Did it work? YES!!! We visited with each other the whole evening, it was the first time “The Hicks Family” as we know it today was together. (Thanks Doug and Jana) After the kids had gone to bed, Xavier fell asleep on the couch, the four adults sat outside and chatted up about days past. Doug and I smoked a few cigars, we drank a few beers, and I watched this beautiful girl’s smile in the flickering flame of a centranella candle. After Doug and Jana went to bed, Cindy and I grabbed a blanket and sat on the back deck and talked until almost three in the morning. We could have talked until three the next morning, but it was getting late, and I had to be at the Painter house the next day and Cindy needed to get Xavier home. I carried him to the car, loaded him in, gave Cindy a kiss goodbye and she drove away. I knew THEN. I wanted to marry her….THEN.
As I was driving home from the Painter’s on Sunday evening, I was texting with friends about my excitement for Curtis, and my even bigger joy of spending more time with this girl that lit my world on fire. In fact, I was texting with my good friend Kristen (not HFO Kristen), and I told her “I will bet you $50 that I’m going to marry Cindy within three years. She took the bet…not knowing what I knew in my heart at that time, I decided the previous night that this was it, Cindy was “it”.
The amount of material between THEN and now, is far too expansive for a blog, but we have memory after memory after memory after memory after memory…after memory…….after memory. I can’t even begin to tell you the overwhelming joy we’ve experienced raising our kids together, laughing hysterically, teaching each other things, listening, crying, loving, and most importantly building, building our life together. Jesus told us to build on a Rock and we’ll be wise builders. No matter what happens, if we build on that Rock, the rains, sleet, wind, and snow cannot tear down our house.
The actual topic of our marriage had weighed on me for a few months. I knew I wanted to by married to Cindy, but it was more complicated that I wanted to admit. I could feel God tapping me on the shoulder every so often to remind me of “the right thing to do”. There were alot of reasons why we had not taken that step forward, but none of them meant that I couldn’t make that first step to show everyone and most imporantly Cindy, my commitment to this family and to our future.
It wasn’t until our brief hospital stay two weeks ago that I really decided that I wanted to make this happen. Nothing is guaranteed in life, and any second could be our last, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let one more second pass without showing Cindy the commitment that is in my heart to her and this family. I decided in that hospital room that I was going to take whatever risk, do whatever I could, and make whatever sacrifice to make my intention felt with her, and known in our circle. So I started the process of finding and securing a ring that made me feel was deserved enough of Cindy’s finger. Luckily, I have a great, great friend in the jewelry business who made the process easy for me and even had her eye on a certain ring that she felt “was Cindy”. She was right.
I sought out, pined over, paid for, picked up, and hid this ring for about two weeks all the while, Cindy knew nothing. The beautiful thing about trust in a relationship is it makes “good surprises” easy to achieve because the other isn’t constantly asking you questions. I was able to do all of this without Cindy even knowing.
I picked up the ring on Tuesday July 13th, and so started the journey to Cindy’s hand. This was right around the time I would find myself talking to myself in the mirror saying things like “She wants its”…”Let’s gives it to her”..”It’s her precious, she must haves it”…I could barely sleep the next few nights. I had horrible, horrible nightmares about losing the ring, getting the ring stolen, and screwing up the proposal. It was tucked into a special compartment in my backpack. In normal situations, I usually keep that backpack close to me because it has most of my personal belongings, laptop, wallet, etc…but now, it was talking to me. I would turn around and swear that the bag had moved across the room, and I would instantly panic…DID SHE KNOW!?? DID MY FRIENDS SAY SOMETHING?!!! WHERE IS THE RING!!?? My bag didn’t move, and the ring was safely tucked away. I wanted to get rid of this ring so badly, I had to stop myself from proposing in the dairy queen parking lot just so I could feel the relief that Frodo had when he threw the ring in the mountain. (There is no corrolation here between marrying Cindy and MOUNT DOOM!)
For our anniversary in April, I had given Cindy two tickets to see Brad Paisley and Darius Rucker (Hootie), two of our favorite country artists. This gift was a little sentimental because Brad Paisley sings “our song”. I know alot of people have “their songs”, but Cindy and I have an undisputable number one choice that trumps all others. Brad Paisley’s “Then” was on the radio shortly after we met, Cindy sent me a text that she loved that song and it made her think of me. The song stuck, and its been “our song” ever since.
My initial thought was to pop the question, DURING the song, at the concert. It would have been very sentimental for us, although in my eyes, just a tad cheesy. I toiled over this idea for a few weeks, but decided that proposing around a bunch of drunk, shirtless hillbillies wasn’t very romantic. Knowing how badly I wanted to give this ring to her, I thought it would be a good idea to keep it in the backpack until Saturday night. If I took it to the concert, I knew that I would either lose it or prematurely ask her to marry me. There is nothing worse than premature proposal. As it turned out, the concert was AMAZING, but I was glad I didn’t bring the ring. When Brad Paisley sang our song, it was very emotional and special, but the surrounding said drunk hillbillies made it an environment unconducive to proposing. However, the concert itself was extremely fun and exciting for both of us, and really set the weekend off on the right foot.
My ultimate plan was for the weekend was to ask Cindy to marry me at Navy Pier on Saturday evening. We were house sitting for a friend of mine in Wicker Park on the west side of downtown. Cindy thought it would be fun to grab a bit to eat and walk the Navy Pier midway and just enjoy the night. Little did she know, her idea played right into my hand.
Saturday afternoon, we visited Arlington Park Race Track. Cindy really enjoys horseracing from her long history of living in Louisville, so she was in heaven. The weather was perfect, the day was perfect, and we got to spend the afternoon hanging out with good friends, and we actually won some money. We had an amazing afternoon.
If you couple our afternoon at the track, with our amazing experience at the concert, this weekend was already scarily perfect, and only I knew that it was going to get better. I tried to contain my excitement and remain a little low key. Cindy said later, “at least I knew why you weren’t eating very much”. I was very nervous for this moment, because nothing is ever guaranteed and I wanted the moment to be right and the setting to be even more right.
We got down to Navy Pier a little later than I had hoped, but wasn’t too concerned about timing. My plan at that point was to find a place that was reasonably away from the crowd where we could sit down with the chicago skyline in view. As we walked down the midway, hand in hand, I started to panic a little because there were a ton of people there walking around. I didn’t know what the plan was yet, and started to worry about making it “right”.
As we got to the end of the midway, I saw an underpass through the convention center that takes you on the north or west side of the pier away from the people. When we came out from under the convention center, my fears quickly subsided as I saw about three people, all walking the other direction. I asked her if we could sit down on a bench and just enjoy the moment, and of course she gladly accepted this request.
I looked out over the calm water, looked to my left and saw this view (on the left)…I took a very deep breath and said “I really need to talk to you about something”…I knew this completely threw her off guard, but I could see her wheels turning of all the horrible things that I was about to say. Usually I don’t hold my feelings in, and can very aptly tell something what’s going on in my head and heart. I’m sure my beginning of this conversation didn’t bode well for her. I told her how much I hated being in the hospital that day and when the registration person asked what her relationship status was, due to the options, her response was “single”. I told her that I wanted to change that status. I took out a small velvet bag, as Cindy looked at me very confused, and took a deep breath. I fidgeted to get the ring out as Cindy’s “light” came on, and she figured out what I was doing and said “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”. I got down on one knee and said…”will you marry me?”.
Now, I had heard that Navy Pier does fireworks during the summer, but I wasn’t sure what time, day, or place. I didn’t plan this at all, but from our vantage point, the fireworks were literally straight ahead from where we were sitting. We didn’t have to move an inch. It was a fitting end to an amazing 48 hours, and we didn’t have to say much. I had to laugh last week when Yahoo! had a feature article titled: 7 Questions tweens and teens hate for you to ask. I got a good laugh as I read about how irritated kids get when you ask them “How was your day?” and “Why don’t you just tell that kid to leave you alone?”. First, apparently Yahoo! missed the concept that as the parent, I get to ask my kids anything. Maybe I’m mean, but I really don’t care if my questions irritate the kids. There are things I need to know and I’ll do my best to ask in ways that will get me answers, but I don’t care if the kids “like” the questions.
This got me thinking about the questions the kids ask me that I hate. I told them a million times not to ask and just to sit back and enjoy the ride. That doesn’t seem to matter. They still ask. I have three kids and a Kevin, so that means sometimes these dreaded questions get asked in triplicate and often quadruplicate. Let’s take a look as some of my dreaded questions. I think they are universal to all moms, what do you think…
1. What’s for dinner? This has to be the worst, especially when all three of the kids ask. They also seem to have a knack for asking me while I’m making dinner. There is nothing like having 17 things on the stove that need my attention while kids come up, one at a time over a 20 minute period, to ask what I’m cooking. I love our kids, but sometimes it feels like their biggest concern in life is what their next meal will consist of.
2. Where are we going? It seems as though our kids feel the need to have a detailed daily agenda. If we ask them to put shoes on, you can bet the next question is where are we going. I can understand wanting to know what is going on, but they are kids. They have no choice but to go where we take them.
3. Where is my DS, Gameboy, mitt, ball, sock, etc? You get the picture. Apparently, I am supposed to have a crazy sixth sense that tells me where they put their stuff when they leave it laying around. Yes, I often know the answer, but only because the thing they are looking for is laying in the middle of the floor right in front of their faces. Being a kid and looking for something means a 30 second survey of the room. Nothing gets moved or picked up. If you can’t see what you are looking for, it isn’t there.
4. Are we there yet? This is a parenting classic I know. What annoys me most is that they ask it on trips that we have taken 12,384 times. Xavier has spent his entire life driving back and forth between Louisville, KY and Lafayette, IN. He still asks if we are there yet when he knows we aren’t.
5. Can I go to the bathroom? This is a dinner time classic. We rarely make it through a meal without all of our kids asking to get up and go to the bathroom. There are two of them that seem to be greatest affected by this phenomenon. You can guarantee this will happen anytime we are at a restaurant. They don’t think more than five minutes ahead, so as soon as you bring one back and get comfortable, another asks to go. I’ve started just telling them they can wait. Xavier has a habit of asking and then not having to go when you get him to the bathroom. Ugh! Would it be wrong to put Depends on all of them before we leave for the restaurant?
6. Can I have ….? You can fill in the blank. I can remember being so proud that Xavier never asked for things when we were out. Then I realized that was only because he couldn’t talk yet. Now, it is a constant barrage of can I have this, can we get a toy, can I have that. The best part is the answer is always NO. Why do they still ask? Isn’t that the classic definition of insanity? Even better, if one parent says no, the natural response is to ask the other parent.
7. What are we doing today? This brings us back to our detailed daily agenda. I always wonder if my kids really want a detailed list when they ask this question. Do they want to hear about the laundry, grocery trip, home work, vacuuming, cooking, planning, cleaning, etc? The good news is that if I do rattle off my list they begin to scramble by the second or third task.
8. Mom, where are you? This maybe last, but certainly not least! We live in a small five room apartment. It is impossible for me to get lost. This question is most likely to come when I am in the bathroom or trying to get dressed. I know it is a lot to ask to manage my bodily functions in privacy, but I am pretty high maintenance. I especially love this question when it comes five minutes after I tell Xavier I am taking a shower or running to the laundry room. I’m not sure if he didn’t listen or he forgot. I’m sure he didn’t listen because he can remember the craziest, smallest detail he heard on Monster Quest, so I know his memory is good.
I know most of these questions are universal to all parents. I would love to know why the teen and tween questions are worthy of a Yahoo! story, but these questions are just hanging out there forever. Maybe I should call the Disney Channel and ask them to create a PSA with Selena Gomez and the Jonas Brothers. That might get my kids attention. Until that happens, if they don’t have to be considerate of my feelings about questions I hate, then I don’t have to be considerate of the questions they hate. Besides, I think there is a little bit of vindication in asking them the questions that annoy them most when they ask me the questions that annoy most everyday.
When we last left you, I had peacefully dozed off in the glow of my perfect birthday. I’m telling you folks, this day couldn’t have been any better. Cindy took painstaking lengths to make sure that this was my day, and she did a great job. Thank you to her for that. She bought me a new bottle of my favorite cologne (Polo Black), got me a couple of new shirts that I needed, and got me this nifty video camera that the past two video blogs were filmed with. She pretty much hit a grand slam on my birthday.
Since about the three month mark of our pregnancy, Cindy doesn’t sleep all that well, and you can pretty much count on a bathroom visit per night. On the way home on Tuesday night, Cindy told me that she had a pain in a very specific part of her back and we both wondered what it was, but sort of sluffed it off. She did get up once that nice to use the restroom, but then got up again around 5AM…she didnt come back to bed. Usually that means she has heartburn or just can’t sleep. I stopped checking on her about the 4th time she did that, and since I had to get up at 6AM for work this day, I stayed in bed. My alarm went off around 5:50, and I reset it for 6:30 expecting to take a later commute to work. That’s about the time my roller coaster car crested over the hill…
Around 6:15AM, Cindy came in and sat on the bed. I could immediately tell that something was wrong, and I needed to wake up quickly. Cindy said “Something is wrong, I don’t feel very good”. I asked her to describe what she was feeling, and after that explanation, I said “let’s go to the hospital”. Cindy, being the wo-MAN that she is, said “no, I’ll be fine, let’s just call the doctor’s office and see if they’re on call”. I reluctantly agreed, and tried to help Cindy get comfortable on the couch with her feet raised to take pressure off her back. We placed a call to the answering service and patiently waited for a call back.
While we waited for the call back, and only speaking for myself, the worst case scenario flashed through my head. I didn’t want to ask too many questions because its sort of “the unmentionable”. I’m pretty sure that Cindy was reading my mind because she said that the baby hadn’t moved yet this morning. This wasn’t uncommon because she usually sleeps pretty late in the morning until she gets her coffee and chosen breakfast food. Obviously Cindy was thinking the same thing that I was, and I’m sure also considering the unmentionable. We both didn’t know what to say, but when my eyes begin to well up with tears and her’s did the same, I did the only thing I knew how to do…I prayed. I held Cindy’s hand and I prayed that this was something small and our little girl was happily sleeping in the safe confines of the womb. About five minutes later, our little girl began poking and prodding Cindy’s tummy and we were able to breath a small sigh of relief that things were fine on that front. Cindy was still feeling horrible, so we knew that all was not well. After another call to the answering service (they had called, but our ringer was off…duhhhhh), I finally convinced Cindy to go to the hospital. She was having odd sensations that could be similar to contractions, so we weren’t going to mess around with it.
Now, remember we didn’t have any kids, luckily, so we loaded into the van, and left for the ER…literally five blocks from my house. I could have carried her there if I really felt it necessary. In this case, not so much 
When we arrived at the ER registration, we explained the situation, and could see the concern on the faces of the nurses in the ER. They called labor and delivery and within minutes were were being wisked into the labor and delivery section of the hospital. When we walked past the nursery and I saw about six new born babies, I can’t be sure, but this could have been the time that the words “HOLY SHIT” were running through my head. We weren’t, aren’t, and couldn’t be ready to have a baby three months early. No way, no how.
I told myself that this was merely a precaution and not to panic. I took alot of pride when Avery and Carson were born because I felt I did a pretty good job of remaining calm and completing my supportive dad role. So I tried to remember that role regardless of the prematurity of the situation. They got Cindy strapped up to the baby monitor so we could hear the baby’s heartbeat and know that everything was good there. She (the baby)…(and Cindy)..was handling the situation like a champ. We got registered into the system, and got Cindy some pain medication to calm everything down. They ran some blood tests, made sure we weren’t in early delivery, and things seemed to calm down. We were there about 4 hours before they sent us home without a true diagnosis. They mentioned a possible UTI, but said they weren’t sure. They gave Cindy some antibiotics, pain medications, and assurances that our little girl was good.
Cindy slept the majority of the day while I tried to get some work done, and also took a quick nap myself. Being Daddy is tiresome every now and then
Our roller coaster car leveled out as we caught our breath and took inventory of our day.
Thursday morning, Avery’s birthday, I had originally taken the day off to take Avery to the beach with a school friend, but since I had to take Wednesday off for the hospital visit, I agreed to work half day. I got up early, asked Cindy no less than 17 times if she was okay, and drove to Chicago. I continued to IM, text, call, pony express, skywrite, and carrier pidgeon Cindy to make sure if she was doing okay, and got an A-OK every time. I tried to calm down so that I could have a good time with Avery on her birthday but knew that we never really got an answer. I didn’t see the gigantic 10 story decline we were about to take.
I left work and drove to the beach. I helped Cindy unload the van to take things down to the beach. The kids were off playing when Cindy said “Can you sit down and talk to me for a few minutes?”…Now, guys, this is NEVER good. This is never “I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how supportive you were yesterday”…or…”I can’t believe how sexy you look in that bathing suit”…or…”You’re the best Daddy in all the land”…its always bad.
I took a deep breath and sat down. When she said the Doctor called, her eyes welled up a little and I inched ever so closer to her in my chair. She said that the doctor told her she had a very high concentrate of liver enzyme that wasn’t a normal thing. The explanations were many, but not all were good news. Ranging from some type of liver disease to gall bladder issues. They asked us to come to the doctors office the next day and also to go to the hospital and get an ultrasound done on her gall bladder.
We muddled through the next several hours and tried to have some fun at the beach. Honestly, I don’t remember much about it. I know that Avery was happily playing with her friend, and didn’t rely on Daddy or Cindy to keep her entertained, so that was the good news. I wish I could say that we played games and had a grand time at the beach, but that simply isn’t the truth. I ran through different scenarios, did some research on my phone, and managed to cancel and reschedule about 7 work meetings I was supposed to have on Friday.
We got home, had dinner with the kids, and got everyone in bed. If anyone has ready Cindy’s Roller Coaster blog, you know that she is good at internalizing everything and looking as calm as a duck on a pond. Luckily I’ve learned that her little feet are churning under the water about 100 MPH. When she told me she was fine and there weren’t any worries, I called her bluff. We talked about our fears and admitted that we were both scared.
The doctor had asked that she not have a high fat meal that night, because it can mess with the tests. That triggered our memories of Tuesday night when we ate every known meat on the planet (wrapped in bacon). We were hoping that this caused the high test result and had nothing to worry about. We went to bed, and both slept intermittenly.
Friday morning I got the two oldest off to the YMCA, and dropped Xavier off at a friend’s house. (thanks JB), and headed to the Hospital. We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before her name was called to come back for the ultrasound. My worst fear came true when the Nurse Tech put her hand up and told me I couldn’t come back for the exam. Much like my Mother, I don’t do waiting rooms very well. I thumbed around on my phone a little bit, texted a few friends hoping to have someone to talk to, and waited what seemed like six hours for her to come out. It was only 10 minutes or so, but when your soulmate’s well-being hangs in the balance, 10 minutes can seem like an eternity.
The nurse tech, or Doyle Brunson, as I like to call her, didn’t tip Cindy off to anything from the exam. She did the exam, asked a few questions, and told Cindy they would call the Doctor. When we got to the doctor’s office, they immediately did another blood test for the liver enzyme and a few other things. We sat up front for about 15 minutes before our nurse Melanie (whom we love to death) came out into the waiting room and said “I didn’t want you sitting up here and worrying about the results, so I wanted you to know that they said you have gall stones” She could see the terror in my face because truly, I had no freaking clue what that meant. I’m assuming my face read something close to whisky, tango, foxtrot because she immediately said “its okay, this is actually good news”. She explained the situation and said that our doctor would see us soon. I gave Cindy a huge hug, took a deep breath, and sat back in my chair as the ride slowly decelerated and leveled out.
Our doctor suggested a low fat diet until we could get everything under control and we’d discuss other options later after we had the baby. Melanie let us hear the heartbeat again and our blessing kicked back a few times with my hand right there, as our ride met another steep incline…tick tick tick tick…
Our incline never stopped all weekend, as we took the kids to the drive in and had a fantastic fourth of july weekend with friends and family.
I know this roller coaster is inevitable, and I manage things the best I can, but I can sit here and tell you that I feel safe knowing I’m strapped into this car with God in my heart, and Cindy by my side. It may be heart wrenching sometimes and thrilling others, but Cindy makes it fun. I couldn’t possibly imagine having my hands up screaming all the way down with anyone else.
Cindy Carter on The “Pile”…
