…Until I’m blue in the face…

I’m back!  Yes, it’s me.  In a shocking turn of events, HFO hasn’t been updated in almost four months.  I can offer no apology or reason, all I can say is HFO got shuffled back in priority.  No excuses…

However, recent events have pulled me out of retirement to address a situation that has me shaking my head and blue in the face with bewilderment.  That issue is the perceived notion that Colts/Purdue fans have this internal struggle on who to root for in the Super Bowl.  I have a few opinions on this, and I’m going to do the best I can to express them in a clear and concise manner.  Although they are flowing through my mind like a faucet, so this could get ugly…quick. 

First and foremost, I’ll address my own personal opinion.  I can’t speak for the rest of the writers (we have writers?) on HFO, but my heart, mind, and body will all be pulling HARD for the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday evening.   To put a little spin on this opinion, I will tell you that one of my most prized possessions is my personalized, signed, and framed Drew Brees jersey hanging in my house.   However, the jersey has the Purdue logo on the front, not a New Orleans Saints logo.  I do not own a Saints jersey, a Saints hat, or Saints underwear.  

When I am watching NFL games, I am rooting for the Colts, and only the Colts.  If I’m “rooting” for any other team, its because that team doing well could benefit the Indianapolis Colts (Home field advantage etc…) I avidly root against the New England Patriots like every good Colts fan does, and I have a special hatred for the Chicago Bears.  My hatred for the Bears is mostly due to their mishandling of the Kyle Orton situation and then the perceived crowning of their lord and savior, Jay Cutler.  He of 25+ interceptions last season.  They have a mightier than thou attitude in the city of Chicago and haven’t done much since 1985 (See Notre Dame fans)  But I digress…

When I’m rooting for College Football, Basketball, etc…I am only rooting for the Purdue Boilermakers.  The only time I would root for another team is if it would benefit the Purdue Boilermakers in some fashion (See the Wisconsin Badgers last night) 

When I’m rooting for Major League Baseball, I’m only rooting for the Chicago Cubs.  The only time I would root for another team is it would benefit the Chicago Cubs in some fashion.  (See anyone who plays the Cardinals..hah)

So, to review, here are my allegiances in the sports world. 

NFL Football   —–  1.  The Indianapolis Colts

College Sports —– 1. The Purdue Boilermakers

Major League Baseball —– 1.  The Chicago Cubs

So my list does not read like this…(in no particular order)

1.  The Purdue Boilermakers

2.  The Indianpolis Colts

3.  The Chicago Cubs

So when someone questions my “love for Purdue”  because I’m rooting for the Colts…they need to understand its not that I’m rooting against Drew Brees…I’m pulling for the Colts….and frankly I hope its not close.  You’re comparing apples to oranges.  I will subscribe to the John Kreese school of competition “We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. Here, in the streets, in competition: A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy”.  I wish no harm on Drew Brees, but I truly hope he is on the losing end of the stick on Sunday.  I don’t see a Purdue jersey, I see a Saints jersey.  ***See disclaimer at bottom***

Now, with my opinion out there, I will address a few of the problems I see with this discussion. 

When the Indianapolis Colts came here in 1984, they were moving to a city that never had an NFL team.  Most people in the state of Indiana were either a Bengal fan or a Bears fan.  That’s just the way it was, you followed one of those two teams.  When the Colts started to become “competitive” several years after they moved here, the fan base grew, but are FAR from being the type of fan base that have followers of 40+ years (See the Chicago Bears, Dallas Cowboys, and Miami Dolphins)  This fan base is just now starting to really get a following of “true blue” fans. 

So the “haters” want to say, well, you’re just jumping on the Colts Bandwagon.  Although I see where this statement could originate, there isn’t much of a history to really jump OFF the bandwagon.  Personally, I’ve followed the Colts since day one.  I’ve not strayed, I’ve not put my emotion into another team (Save a brief moment in my teens where I followed the Raiders because all the cool kids did…didn’t last long)  This can also be said for the Boilermakers and Cubs (My second grade picture was taken in a Cubs Jersey) 

My frustration with this discussion is the notion that I’m less of a Purdue fan because I’m not pulling for Drew Brees to win the Super Bowl.  As you can see, Drew Brees doesn’t play for Purdue anymore, and doesn’t play for my NFL team.  Some of you Purdue/Colts fans say “well, the Colts are my team, but I can’t root against Drew Brees..”  Okay, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean you’re a Colts fan…and in my eyes, you shouldn’t tell people you are.  This is Apples and Oranges folks, and you’re either a Saints Fan or  Colts fan.  However, I will caution you, once Drew Brees retires and/or leaves New Orleans, you will no longer be a Saints fan.  Therefore YOU will then be “jumping off the bandwagon” just as you accuse Colts fans of when the Colts do well.  Who is the bandwagon jumper?  The one who roots for the Colts for 25 years no matter who they’re playing, or the one who moves around rooting for teams that have former Purdue players? 

Honestly, I’m proud of the fact that I follow MY teams through thick and thin.  The people who only continue to root for “best team out there” are the losers who want to follow a winning team so they can say “YEAH MY TEAM WON” almost every single year.  Its cheap my friends, and shows absolutely no backbone.  These are the same people who play NCAA football on their playstation online against other players, but constantly pick the Floridas and Texas teams of the world because they want to win.  Truth be told, when I used to have free time and played football online, I always played with Purdue, and although I may have lost more than my fair share, I was still Purdue. 

Let me also say, I don’t have a problem with people who follow Purdue players from team to team and “root” for that team…to each his own, but don’t question others love for Purdue because they don’t follow those teams.  This isn’t a question of my love for Purdue, Purdue isn’t playing in the Super Bowl.  This is more about my love for my teams in each respective category.  Perhaps the “haters” should be more impressed with the unwavering support for the Colts knowing that if this were a college game, I would have the same unwavering support for the Boilers.  Afterall, I may be wearing my Colts jersey for the game on Sunday, but it will be covering up the Purdue tattoo I have on my right shoulder blade. 

In review…Peyton?  “Sweep the Leg” my friend, sweep the leg. 

***As a disclaimer, the ONLY time I would truly emotionally care about another team was if my own child was playing for that team***

HFO Exclusive – The Actual Timeout Conversation Between Bill Belichick and Tom Brady

Every once in a while, an opportunity comes around for a small website to break through into the big time. This could be the moment for HFO. Through a high tech breakthrough in spy satellite technology, we at HFO were able to get a listen in at the conversation between Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots, and his Super Bowl MVP Quarterback Tom Brady. Without further ado, the transcript:

Tom: Sorry coach. I should’ve looked before I threw that one…

Bill: Nevermind. Listen, on this fourth down play, I want you to…

Tom: Wait, coach. Punt the ball.

Bill: What?!?

Tom: Coach, you gotta punt the ball. There’s 2 minutes left. They have one timeout. Peyton’s thrown two intercept…

Bill: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you. Remember after the last touchdown, I said to go for four? Yeah… you talked me out of that.

Tom: Coach, it’s…

Bill: If I’d gone with my gut, we wouldn’t be in this fine mess. So you need to quit while you’re ahead, Nancyboy. Richard Seymour disagreed with me once.

Tom:   You wanted him to cover Steve Smith in the Super Bowl…

Bill: Yeah, well, maybe if he HAD… anyway, where is he now??? … Yeah… That’s right. Cassell questioned me once, too.  Shipped his ass to Jefferson City, Missouri.  You don’t watch your smart mouth, I’ll trade your ass for Brady Quinn. He’s better looking anyway.

Tom: Oh now that’s just silliness. How many covers has HE been on? Look, we gotta punt…

Bill: When was the last time you shaved your forearms? Yeah, you’re slippin’! Brady takes care of himself.  You’re resting on your laurels.  Better watch out or that pretty wife of yours will be the next  notch on Tom Cable’s bedpost.

Tom: That’s just out of line… look, we’re running out of time here…

Bill: Call another timeout.

Tom: We don’t have anymore.

Bill: When did THAT happen?

Tom: I called one before the first play of this drive.

Bill: Well what the hell’d you do that for? Anyway, we get four. I negotiated it before the game.

Tom: Coach, we don’t ge…

Bill: I’m Bill F*$*ing Belichick. We get what I say we get.

Tom:  Coach, the scoreboard says 0 timeouts.  See that “TOL” up there?

Bill: Yeah? How many Super Bowls have you won?

Tom: Uh…

Bill: That’s right. Don’t you forget it. Bring me my cell phone, dammit. I’ve got Mangini on speed dial.

Tom: He doesn’t like you anymore.

Bill: Of course he does, who do you think got him that job with the Jets? The Browns?

Tom: My point exactly.

Bill: Ooooh, a smart guy! Get your happy ass out there and throw that pigskin.

Tom: To who?

Bill: We have one of the Faulks, right? They’re pretty good.

Tom: I have Randy Moss. He’s a future Hall of Famer…. Wes Welker…

Bill: Isn’t Moss that waif thin supermodel? Who the hell is Wes Welker? Sounds like a horror novelist… probably writing some crap about a family living out in the woods…

Tom: *mumbles* You’ve got to be KIDDING me…

Bill: …next thing you know the plumber’s actually a serial killer and WHAM! Your kid’s dead and you’re burying him in the back yard only to have him come back to life and slice your achilles tendon with your own scalpel… WITH YOUR OWN SCALPEL!! Don’t talk to ME about who to throw the ball to. YOU get paid for those decisions. I don’t care if you throw it to…

Tom: Seriously coach, I gotta go out to the huddle!

Bill: Throw the damn ball to Light.

Tom: He’s not even playing, and that would be illegal most of the time anyway!

Bill: TACKLE ELIGIBLE, MORON. Don’t the Niners need a QB? Maybe we could get that Crabtree kid in here. He wouldn’t talk back to me.

Tom: Whatever, I’m running my own play.

Bill: Suit yourself, but if it doesn’t work, it’s coming down on your ass. I’m Bill F’in Belichick baby. I’m above questioning.

Tom: Yeah, we’ll see about that…

Bill: Can’t wait to shake that bible-thumping Dungy’s hand after he sees this one!

Jack Ass of the Week November 2-9

<——THIS WOMAN

So, this morning, as I was riding the bus from the Aon building to the Mercantile Exchange (I wasn’t feeling the walk this morning), I was already having a bad morning (tired, anti-social, and irritated), and this woman sits next to me at the Wabash and Madison stop.  She is on her cell phone, on public transportation with two children, presumably twins, probably two years old.  She gets on the bus and shouts at the little girl to “SIT DOWN!”, next to me.  This girl literally has to climb on to her seat because the woman was too busy to help her I guess.  The little girl starts to climb on to the seat, and kicking my legs in the process, all the meanwhile Mom (presumably) is on the phone.   She grabs the little boy (in the picture) and sits him on her lap.  Here is where I really got irritated.  This is some context of her phone call…with the kids sitting there, on a crowded CTA bus…

“Well, I don’t f*ckin care if he doesn’t like it, I’ll kick his f*ckin ass”  “I”m fixin’ to kick both of their asses if they don’t like it”  “They’re just f*ckin lazy”…..blah blah blah.   

On my 8 or 9 block ride from Wabash to Wacker, she probably shouted out 15 or 20 obscenities while her two “parrots” sat right there.  And we wonder what is happening to today’s youth.  Nice parenting lady.  I just decided to get off the bus instead of making a scene to let the lady know how much of a horrible person I thought she was.  I just let it go, but not before I took the picture.

Adolf Hitler’s reaction to Cindy moving to Valparaiso

See what Hitler thinks of our impending move this week…

Jack Ass of the Week October 19-27 – Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer

This Jack Ass of the Week is very personal to me. It is a tribute to the millions of strong beautiful women who fight breast cancer beast each year. For my family and I, October is so much more than pink ribbons and 5k runs. When I think about breast cancer, Susan G Komen isn’t the first name that comes to my mind.

My grandmother was the strongest woman I have ever known. She was so much more than a grandparent. She was a teacher, a disciplinarian, a motivator, and a role model. She baked pineapple cookies, made noodles, and baited fish hooks. I was born into a matriarchal family and she was our center. She might not have always told us how proud she was, but the rest of the world knew. It would be an understatement to say that she was stoic, but I always knew that she loved me.

She is still a mystery to me in many ways. I was the youngest of her grandchildren and a late addition to our family. I have no memories of her working, but she did. She had a career as a store clerk at Woolworths. Lafayette’s older generation often remember her from afternoon trips to the department store. The younger folks are more likely to remember her as “Grandma Helen”. I remember her house was always immaculately cleaned, sitting at the table for every meal, and family celebrations that where always held at her house. She and my grandfather had one of Lafayette’s best know Christmas light displays. There are so many questions I have for her. I would love know more about her life and the woman she was before she was my grandmother. There have been many parallels in our lives and I would give anything for her wisdom.

When my grandfather passed away, very little changed. My grandmother still did most everything she had done before. She started mowing the grass herself. She still went to Sugar Mill Lake every summer weekend and she still maintained her house the same. She never missed a Cubs game. I know she missed my grandfather, but her strength pushed her on. She seemed to have endless amounts of energy and could do anything. Her’s was my first home in Lafayette. Very little changed as the years passed and her energy and health were a constant through my high school and college years.

Then in 1994, it happened. My grandmother had never had a mamogram. She was 80 and women her age didn’t really think about them. He doctor found a mass and confirmed that it was breast cancer. He felt the best course of treatment was a masectomy of the effected breast. My grandmother didn’t even flinch. She agreed and scheduled surgery around Thanksgiving. Things went well, the lump hadn’t spread, and all the dangerous tissue was removed. The news was great and our family breathed a collective sigh of relief and took Grandma home.

I don’t remember my grandmother having ever been in the hospital before this surgery. The recovery from masectomy was extremely difficult. Procedures were very different back then and this was a painful healing. My grandmother never fully recovered. The scars healed, but she was never the same. Her energy never returned. I think fighting the cancer and healing her body was such a drain of energy that she stayed a bit more frail. The cancer battle started a very slow progression into chronic illness. Thankfully we had 7 more wonderful years with her.

My grandmother showed me how to be strong from the inside out. She kicked the crap out of cancer. I salute all the doctors, researchers, and scientists who are working to make strides in breast cancer. I salute the brave souls who battle this Jack Ass of a disease and win. So much has changed in breast cancer treatment and so many new discoveries have made the fight easier to win. Doctors know more than ever about breast cancer and there is more to come. To the women out there, do your exams and get your mamograms. If you feel something abnormal, get to the doctor! Men, please encourage the women in your lives to be proactive in this fight. It is a battle I believe that we can win.

When I think about breast cancer, the first name in my mind is W. Helen Klettheimer. My grandmother, the strongest woman I’ve ever known. This disease touches so many people. Who has it touched that you care about? If that woman is still with us, please take this opportunity to tell her how much you love her. I wish I could have one more day with my grandmother to tell her how much I love her.

The GridIron Tuna’s Weekly Purdue Recap – Ohio State

While this article will focus more on tOSU than it will Purdue, a most hearty congratulations to the team and coaches for the fine win against the Buckeyes.  The intensity of play and the desire to win has not changed one bit since the first game.  Yes, even through the gut-wrenching losses, this team has not lost focus.  Hopefully this will will give some idea to our players how much of a fine line it is between winning and losing.  All 3 phases of this game were in check. 

I thought there were 3 key moments in the game.  The first coming with a field goal at the end of the half to make it 9-7.  The second coming in the 4^thquarter when the defense held tOSU to only a field goal.  And the third coming on 4^th down when one of their blue-chippers made the dumbest play of the game.  And that leads us to this discussion…

MY GOD HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?  YOU HAVE ALL THE MOMEMTUM ON YOUR SIDE.  YOU STOP THEM HERE AND THEN GIVE YOUR OFFENSE A CHANCE TO WIN THE GAME FOR YOU.  BUT WHAT DO YOU DO?  GRAB A FACEMASK ON A 3rd DOWN PLAY AND SEAL THE DEAL FOR THE OPPOSITION?  What this shows you is that all that glitters are not recruiting stars.  While this program will never lack for talent, I see some air being let out of the bag.  Tressel has done well at OSU for even their fickle fan base.  But has his time come to an end?  As you remember, Pryor originally verballed to PSU, then backed-off when the thought of Joe Pa and his staff using him at another position other than QB.  The quick bolt to OSU ended the drama.  But ask yourself this?  Are they using him the right way?  Seems like Tressel wants him to be a pocket-passer.  Doesn’t it?  He has some great athletic skills but Drew Brees accuracy is not one of them.  Why not run a WVU or UM offense?  Did you notice another thing about OSU?  Where is that pounding running back they’ve always had?  This seems to be missing in the puzzle.  Now, this program is the last we’ll ever feel sorry for, but you have to wonder what Buck Nuts Nation has been thinking lately.  Time will tell as Tressel’s term marches on, but all this goes to show you is that even the elite athletes make dumb mistakes.  I couldn’t make it to the game because of work, but when I heard Pete Quinn nearly jump out of the booth I knew something fantastic happened for Purdue.  But come on!  How can you deliberately grab a facemask on that crucial play?  An accident is one thing but that was no accident.  Did he think he was not going to get flagged for that?  I envy most of the recruiting classes that OSU is blessed with, but like I said before, MY GOD!  WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN for OSU.  Glad to see the glass slipper fit another foot, and Price Charming turn into a pumpkin.  It couldn’t have happened to a nicer fan base (tic).  And I don’t even feel sorry for their players.  Not one bit.

Dave (daveK)

Jack Ass of the Week October 12-19th

I’ve been to some crappy tourist traps in my life.  I’ve stayed at South of the Border in South Carolina (and was born within 30 miles of it – thank God I wasn’t born in Pedro’s giant hat or something like that).  I’ve heard about the world’s largest Prairie Dog in Kansas (which will henceforth be referred to as God’s First Day on the Job) – don’t stop for it, it’s plastic.  I’ve even been to Notre Dame.  But, thanks to Yahoo!, I now know that when I go to Gaza for my next vacation (because, you know, who doesn’t want to go to Gaza and crash at the local Hamas hostel?), I will avoid the Gaza Zoo.  I say this for two reasons:  1) I assume that there is only one zoo in Gaza and that the rest of the land is reserved for hand grenade practice; 2) the Gaza Zoo is a sham. I give Nidal (pronounced Ny – dahl) Barghouthi (pronounced Barg-how-thee… probably… maybe Bar-goo-thee… maybe Smar-ja for all I know) credit for attempting to educate young Gazerians (I picture them worshiping the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man) about wildlife.  I applaud it, actually.  However, next time, an informative power point, a Polaroid, or maybe a stuffed Zebra would be more appropriate than applying masking tape to two white donkeys and painting them with black stripes.  Seriously.  I can’t make this stuff up.  I’m not just trying to make fun of Gazanians because I don’t know what to call them, either!

Now, I’ve only seen a zebra in a zoo myself, but based on the six pictures I just looked up, I noticed a few differences:  1) the black stripes and white stripes are different sizes and not uniformly aligned; 2) the black stripes aren’t faded; 3)  they’re not donkeys.  This guy had to put some serious effort into this… short of the inhumanity of applying paint to a donkey (which begs the question… latex?  oil-based?  hair-dye?  If so, Clairol?), how in the hell did he get the donkeys to sit still long enough to PAINT them without taking a hoof to the face.  All I know is if I were one of those donkeys,  this Jackass (no, the irony of this title is not lost on me) would learn a new meaning of donkey punch.

The GridIron Tuna’s Weekly Purdue Recap – Minnesota

This isn’t going to be very long because I think we all feel the same way. While the team is still playing very hard right down to the bitter end, these losses are becoming more dis-heartening. The one thing that sticks out in my mind is a comment that Pete Quinn made right before kick-off. Now I know Pete is a homer, but he played at a very high level in college and knows football very well. His comment was directed at the players where he made a general statement that while all of these guys are good citizens and good students, they need to make a statement and take it personally to embody themselves with controlled anger when they play. His statement was very well said and very politically correct.

I’m not going to take words out of Pete’s mouth or twist and turn what he said because while I’ve never met Pete, I have personally spoken to him several times on the phone about Purdue football. I respect him and his opinions. So here’s what my opinion is, and please remember, this is my opinion and not Pete’s. What this team lacks is some bad-asses. A bad-ass in my opinion is not a dirty player. He may not have the greatest ability and he may not be the fastest or one of the strongest players on the team, but he’s a guy who the opposition just hates to go against. I don’t believe we have had players on this team like that for quite some time. You can point to the 2004 team where we had quite a few, Hardwick, Koutavides, Johnson, Gardner, Phillips, etc. I would even include a Kelly Butler in the mix although he had problems controlling his anger. I simply call guys like these football players. Although the ones I mentioned were quite talented.

I guess on this 2009 team you have to ask yourself the question. Who on this team really scares you? Now some of these guys just might be on the roster or could be coming in the next recruiting class, but we desperately need a few of these type players with the mental attitude necessary to compete and influence other players on the team. While Purdue held Eric Decker pretty much in check the entire game, he made one huge play that seemed to turn the tide of the game. So it goes to show you how important it is to have play makers. Joey once again gave it his all, but his two interceptions were quite costly. On the first one, he tossed it right to a Minny defender. Yes, it was a timing pattern but even on a timing pattern you have to see the play develop before you throw the ball. On the second one the WR was open and he could not drop the ball into the seam that was there. The defense seems to be playing much better, but the costly turnovers keep putting them into bad positions. I admire our players keeping their heads up and playing hard. How long this can go on before some ill effects begin to take hold on the will to compete. I even notice our play-by-play announcer becoming frustrated by his posts on Knucklehead Central. Yes, these are tough times, but you have to keep your head up and keep competing. Better days are coming but it will take some time. Force yourself to believe that and support this team. tOSU coming to town. Let’s give them a fight and see if we can turn this horrible worm. BOILER UP!

Dave (daveK)